I am not disciplined. My Bible reading ebbs and flows, as does the times I set aside for prayer. I am reasonably successful with the duties required by my employer, so on the occasions my discipline rolls in, tumbling on my faith like a wave on the beach, I find myself flirting with legalism and guilt. Shouldn’t I desire Paul’s dedication? Shouldn’t I lie myself down as a bondservant of Christ’s and recognize Him as my ultimate employer? Why do I not give Him the same commitment I give my earthly employer? Christ gave His life and suffered violently for my sin; what have I done for Him lately? Oops, there’s that line.
Now as the pendulum races back toward grace, I am no more disciplined than before. To be honest, I’m not all that comfortable on the grace side of the beach. I need the motivation that guilt provides as I allow it to manipulate the blessed conviction of the Holy Spirit. I need that motivation to somehow achieve something, anything that will raise me above my sin. Oh, it would be a joy if I could witness the legalism in my heart so easily. But Satan too often whispers in shadows, and too often uses the ugly truth of my failures, my sin, to keep me away from His truth, His grace, the Gospel.
Over the last few evenings, I’ve closed the day with reading Proverbs, starting at the beginning. God, so lovingly, called me to desire His word through the first couple chapters, but Satan poisoned it with guilt, using His precious Word to drive me from Him. How could I ever follow wisdom, follow His lead, as to avoid the sneers He sets for the wicked. Your own heart is much more like the heart of the wicked than His, Satan whispered.
Why should I keep reading this stuff? There’s no way I can ever deserve what He offers. Guilt laden and discouraged, I continued another nonetheless.
My son, do not forget my teaching,but let your heart keep my commandments,
for length of days and years of lifeand peace they will add to you. Proverbs 3:1-2 ESV
Wow. His love shone in these words. “And peace they will add to you.” And His peace broke in a long curl, sweeping with a gentle strength all the way to the dune line. And as it pulled back, He washed all that guilt, the shame, the roots of legalism, the doubt of the power and significance of His grace, away. And when they tried to creep back, He used Robin’s A/C testimony to wash it away, again.
I don’t know why it still amazes me, but I love it when He gives us what we need, just as we need it.
Now as the pendulum races back toward grace, I am no more disciplined than before. To be honest, I’m not all that comfortable on the grace side of the beach. I need the motivation that guilt provides as I allow it to manipulate the blessed conviction of the Holy Spirit. I need that motivation to somehow achieve something, anything that will raise me above my sin. Oh, it would be a joy if I could witness the legalism in my heart so easily. But Satan too often whispers in shadows, and too often uses the ugly truth of my failures, my sin, to keep me away from His truth, His grace, the Gospel.
Over the last few evenings, I’ve closed the day with reading Proverbs, starting at the beginning. God, so lovingly, called me to desire His word through the first couple chapters, but Satan poisoned it with guilt, using His precious Word to drive me from Him. How could I ever follow wisdom, follow His lead, as to avoid the sneers He sets for the wicked. Your own heart is much more like the heart of the wicked than His, Satan whispered.
Why should I keep reading this stuff? There’s no way I can ever deserve what He offers. Guilt laden and discouraged, I continued another nonetheless.
My son, do not forget my teaching,but let your heart keep my commandments,
for length of days and years of lifeand peace they will add to you. Proverbs 3:1-2 ESV
Wow. His love shone in these words. “And peace they will add to you.” And His peace broke in a long curl, sweeping with a gentle strength all the way to the dune line. And as it pulled back, He washed all that guilt, the shame, the roots of legalism, the doubt of the power and significance of His grace, away. And when they tried to creep back, He used Robin’s A/C testimony to wash it away, again.
I don’t know why it still amazes me, but I love it when He gives us what we need, just as we need it.
4 comments:
"And His peace broke in a long curl, sweeping with a gentle strength all the way to the dune line." I love that line, you write so good. Thank you for blogging.
Wonderfully written. You and Emily are truly a pair!
You need to write a book. I think everyone would be blessed by the way you write. That or maybe you could pick up the job of a special speaker on those Sundays when the Pastor is out.
Josh, I'm just getting around to reading this post, but it is so true. I ditto every line! Edification of believers time...you should write a book.......!
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