I'll never know how much it cost

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.
To look on Him and pardon me.
(Before the Throne of God Above)

This morning they lit the first candle of Advent, the Candle of Hope. I say 'they' due the fact 'we' arrived a bit late and, much to Emily's dismay, had to sit in the overflow "room" (a small section at the rear of the sanctuary where late-comers are placed in an effort, through shame and poor acoustics, to teach them the sin of arriving after the sanctuary doors are shut) and in the last row at that.

Hope. In the ESV, hope is mentioned 5 times in verses 24 and 25 of Romans 8. Verse 24 ends with, "For who hope for what he sees?" I do.

Well, let me explain. Granted it is not as spiritual as our hope in Christ, but I hope for a God-centered adult life for my children. On a more day-to-day application, I hope from my children an obedience that honors their mother and I. With our oldest, I see, more and more frequently, not an unquestioning obedience that Emily not simply desires but often requires to keep the day on task, but the parent honoring obedience that God requires of him.

Now our youngest still challenges me. One moment her bold defiant actions erase any spiritual growth I thought I'd achieved as anger creeps up to the surface of my flesh, then in an instant, a smile and her sweet "Sorry, Daddy," even if insincere, disarms me. Still I hope for her life to be God-centered, despite her stubbornness and ability to give rise to mine. I see little fruit in that area, but still I hope.

Who in your life have you written off? Scott asked this question as he preached this morning, only in slightly different context. Who in your life do you no longer have hope for? Who do you believe Christ can no longer redeem? Since, most often, I find myself preaching to myself through my writing, Matthew 7:6 came to mind in my defense. "Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you." Why bother with the dogs and pigs? Why should I waste my time, my energy, my life on them. Then I reread it, "Do not give to dogs what is holy." I am not holy, the preceding (and following) verses make that clear. The verse clearly refers to God's Word and God Himself.

If God has hardened someone's heart to the Gospel, sharing God's Word will be fruitless. But God does not say do not serve this person, do not pray for this person. In fact the Wesley commentary on Matthew 7:6,7, & 8 suggests that the Bible instructs us to pray for that person.

Despite my faults (they are many) and the mistakes I've made (they are even more), Emily has bound her life to mine even tighter. When I think about her love and devotion to me, especially in light of the hardships to which I've subjected her and our children, I am amazed. She demonstrates Christ's love for me. And how much more amazing that a Holy, Holy, Holy God would love me to send His Son to die for me.

Emily has not written me off. She has hope in the promise that Christ will complete this good work. Again, I am finding myself defensive. So, how many times do I have to let myself be hurt? Be let down? How many times is enough, how much pain is enough, how much sacrifice is enough, before I can write this person off, before I can move on?

I guess it depends who the example for your life is. I can think of many folks who would have told you that you have given too much of yourself already. Some may advice you to hang on a little longer. I know it can't be perfectly achieved this side of heaven, but if Christ is your example . . . Not an easy route, is it? Christ, Himself, when looking at the pain and suffering before Him asked His Father if there was another way, but in God-honoring obedience gave Himself up.

Father God, You know my sin, it is ever before me, yet You saved me. Strengthen me to love and serve as Jesus. Make me bold to share what You have done for even me. Thank you also for Emily. And, Father God, thank you for hope. Amen.